Welp, here we go. I can’t believe that I have already had this website for 8 months and still have allowed my fear to stop me from writing or sharing a single thought. You would think with this being anonymous that this fear wouldn’t even exist… but it does.
I just turned 25 years old and when they say the Frontal lobe is fully developed, they mean it. I felt like all brain fog had temporarily gone away and anxiety of where I’m at in my life amped up more than I even thought was possible. I will give myself some credit here and say this time, I rationalized through it with a calmness even I didn’t recognize. Although I have earned my masters degree in marriage and family therapy, I still feel like I haven’t accomplished anything. Truthfully, it’s okay to laugh at how ridiculous that may sound because trust I’ve laughed about it more. When I break down the difference between my thoughts and my reality, how could you not? Clearly I know I’ve done something that not everyone can say that they have, but I am just so ready to reach my destination that it’s hard to acknowledge any accomplishments. With financial stressors, the stress of passing my licensure exam, balancing interpersonal relationships, tending to my mental health, work/office issues, body image/self esteem issues, dating, and the endless list of life stressors that we experience it can feel all consuming. Then I remind myself what my elders have told me many of times throughout my life, enjoy the journey. I agree that through my desire to reach my destination there will come a day that I will look at this point of my life and miss it.
My 25th birthday was amazing and consisted of two weekend roadtrips with my besties. I felt so loved on this last birthday, but now that months have past since that moment I want to really take my life back. There is a constant battle of me wanting to change different aspects of my life but not putting in a consistent effort to create or keep that change.
A prime example, is when I completed the 75 hard challenge the beginning of this year (January 15,2024). It was a life changing experience but it didn’t do well for my all or nothing mind set. For 75 days I stuck to a diet, drank a gallon of water, read 10 pages of a nonfiction book, worked out twice a day (one of which had to be outdoors), and had NO alcohol. All things that are not easy to do for 75 days in a row, but I was determined to complete the challenge and I did!
The whole point of the challenge was to show myself that I can be disciplined. Now that I have proven that to myself, I want to work towards true balance and what that looks like for me. As I continue down my path of figuring out adulthood, this blog may be the thing to save me from my mental conniption.
If you made it this far, thank you for joining me and I hope you choose to stick around for the journey.
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